"Managing Sexpectations" pt.4
Let's talk about the emotional sides of things for a moment. Ladies, we have feelings too you know! Rejection is real! In the early days of marriage, I remember trying to get my wife in the mood and instead, seeing glimpses of the underside of her palm as she shooed me away...I was crushed! What seemed to her like a playful way to let me know nothing was going down that night actually was quite hurtful. It made me question whether she was still attracted to me, whether she was satisfied in the bedroom and whether she even liked having sex!? I actually got to a place where I could imagine how some men could use that as an excuse to start looking elsewhere to having their needs met considering how many times it had happened prior.
I could have sulked myself to sleep but I took the harder road. I told my wife how it made me feel. To my surprise....she was completely unaware! She did not realise what she was doing had such an impact on my self-esteem. My honesty and willingness to be vulnerable paid off. I left the conversation feeling much closer to my wife and with a better understanding of each others preferences. We realised a compromise was needed and our expectations needed to be managed better going forward. We now have a better understanding of the importance of sex in our marriage and she is also careful about the way she communicates her "no" to me when not in the mood. I cannot complain about that outcome and thank God we were able to navigate our way through that season.
If you haven't already, I would recommend having a nice bedside chat if you ever find yourself in the same predicament.